One year ago today - this morning to be exact - my divorce from Jeremy was finalized. Looking back on the past year, so much has happened - all for the good.
I was lucky - even though his abuse lasted for most of the 8 years we were together, I got out alive and mostly in tact. And so did Luna. We both just now bear the emotional scars left by Jeremy's abuse and the past year has allowed the two of us to heal....or at least to begin to. And I know that as time goes by, Luna and I will only get stronger and better. Knowing that helps me look towards the future with hope.
May 2, 2008
April 16, 2008
Always a pleasure...
Thanks to the NJ Tax people, I had the "pleasure" of dealing with Jeremy today via email. And it made me remember just why it is that I'm glad he's out of my life.
Long story short, his uncle prepared our taxes that we filed jointly in 2004. Turns out there was an error to which we owe them more than we originally thought. I informed him that I would need him to pay half (which would be fair) or, since his uncle is an accountant and made the error, he could pay it. I was cordial and I gave him all the information he needed to send me the money.
He, instead, went his old-school route of being trite and rude and informed me that he would pay the full amount but that I would have to send him the slip from the government. Not wanting to do this, I told him to send the check to me made out to THEM and I'd send it off... Long story long, that's what's going to happen.
HOWEVER...
This latest (and hopefully LAST) encounter with Jeremy only served to remind me (yet again) how abusive he is and was. He's just a plainly rude and miserable person and that comes across even via email. Its not so much that he did or didn't end up paying for all of it... Its that he can't just say I'll pay it and here's the money. Instead he needs to always make it difficult and argue and make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. And he was always like this... He was a Picasso at being rude and abusive via email when we were together....from insulting me, insulting my family, calling me names, constantly threatening me with divorce - you name it, he did it both to my face and via email. And just seeing an email (or several as it turned out) from him brought it all back.
So it all boils down to it being another reason that I'm glad he's out of my life - mostly. And thanks (very sarcastically) to the NJ tax folks for forcing him back in...even if its just briefly! I hope this will be the last time I have to deal with him ever.
Long story short, his uncle prepared our taxes that we filed jointly in 2004. Turns out there was an error to which we owe them more than we originally thought. I informed him that I would need him to pay half (which would be fair) or, since his uncle is an accountant and made the error, he could pay it. I was cordial and I gave him all the information he needed to send me the money.
He, instead, went his old-school route of being trite and rude and informed me that he would pay the full amount but that I would have to send him the slip from the government. Not wanting to do this, I told him to send the check to me made out to THEM and I'd send it off... Long story long, that's what's going to happen.
HOWEVER...
This latest (and hopefully LAST) encounter with Jeremy only served to remind me (yet again) how abusive he is and was. He's just a plainly rude and miserable person and that comes across even via email. Its not so much that he did or didn't end up paying for all of it... Its that he can't just say I'll pay it and here's the money. Instead he needs to always make it difficult and argue and make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. And he was always like this... He was a Picasso at being rude and abusive via email when we were together....from insulting me, insulting my family, calling me names, constantly threatening me with divorce - you name it, he did it both to my face and via email. And just seeing an email (or several as it turned out) from him brought it all back.
So it all boils down to it being another reason that I'm glad he's out of my life - mostly. And thanks (very sarcastically) to the NJ tax folks for forcing him back in...even if its just briefly! I hope this will be the last time I have to deal with him ever.
March 25, 2008
In the beginning
I was watching the movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Brad Pitt's character said something interesting when they got to the nitty gritty of fighting and wanting a divorce. He said "I guess in the end, you start thinking about the beginning".
Interesting.
That hit a chord. Made me think. Its been over for more than a year and a half (if you count from when Jeremy left in September of 2005), but I think, looking back, it was over long before that.
And that got me thinking to when we met. And the warning signs that I should have seen. But, as the cliché goes, hindsight is 20/20.
When we first met, Jeremy was charming. Funny. All the things a girl could be initially attracted to. We got along really well. But then, very shortly after we started dating, his short temper started rearing its ugly head.
One of the first incidents that really sticks out in my mind was one afternoon when his roommate caused a misunderstanding between us. His roommate told me that Jeremy was upset with me....but I had no idea why and neither did he. I tried to diffuse the situation by communicating and being straight-forward with Jeremy. I came right out and asked what was wrong only to be told nothing. When I pressed again (and again), he snapped and finally refused to speak to me. We were at the Magic Kingdom with his roommate and he just left me alone. Walked off alone. With his roommate behind him. What I should have done is nipped the relationship in the bud and went my own way - both that day and forever. But I didn't. I stuck around and tried to see if he'd come around. He didn't - not right away. I can't remember how it ended - but I'm sure he called me and told me it was all a misunderstanding and that everything was ok now. And I guess that made it all better. Like that entire afternoon wasn't ruined. WHAT?
Looking back, I wish I'd have just said goodbye and meant it. I wish I would've been strong enough to call him for what he was - an immature bastard - and ended things. Or, at the very least, I wish I'd had it out with him right then and there and told him he was being an idiot and I wish I'd have forced him to give me an explanation for his abusive actions.
But I didn't. He gave me attention that I wanted and made me feel like he wanted to be around me. I was lonely and I guess he filled that loneliness. Only it turns out it wasn't the way I should have had it filled.
Instead, it was just the first in MANY abusive events yet to come in the following years. And I've learned that saying I wish and wishing I could go back and change things (or even saying if I knew I'd have done it differently) is about as helpful as chewing gum to solve an algebra problem. It doesn't help. So I need to come to grips with my bad choices in life and I think I've done a lot in that arena. The real trick is not repeating those same mistakes!
Interesting.
That hit a chord. Made me think. Its been over for more than a year and a half (if you count from when Jeremy left in September of 2005), but I think, looking back, it was over long before that.
And that got me thinking to when we met. And the warning signs that I should have seen. But, as the cliché goes, hindsight is 20/20.
When we first met, Jeremy was charming. Funny. All the things a girl could be initially attracted to. We got along really well. But then, very shortly after we started dating, his short temper started rearing its ugly head.
One of the first incidents that really sticks out in my mind was one afternoon when his roommate caused a misunderstanding between us. His roommate told me that Jeremy was upset with me....but I had no idea why and neither did he. I tried to diffuse the situation by communicating and being straight-forward with Jeremy. I came right out and asked what was wrong only to be told nothing. When I pressed again (and again), he snapped and finally refused to speak to me. We were at the Magic Kingdom with his roommate and he just left me alone. Walked off alone. With his roommate behind him. What I should have done is nipped the relationship in the bud and went my own way - both that day and forever. But I didn't. I stuck around and tried to see if he'd come around. He didn't - not right away. I can't remember how it ended - but I'm sure he called me and told me it was all a misunderstanding and that everything was ok now. And I guess that made it all better. Like that entire afternoon wasn't ruined. WHAT?
Looking back, I wish I'd have just said goodbye and meant it. I wish I would've been strong enough to call him for what he was - an immature bastard - and ended things. Or, at the very least, I wish I'd had it out with him right then and there and told him he was being an idiot and I wish I'd have forced him to give me an explanation for his abusive actions.
But I didn't. He gave me attention that I wanted and made me feel like he wanted to be around me. I was lonely and I guess he filled that loneliness. Only it turns out it wasn't the way I should have had it filled.
Instead, it was just the first in MANY abusive events yet to come in the following years. And I've learned that saying I wish and wishing I could go back and change things (or even saying if I knew I'd have done it differently) is about as helpful as chewing gum to solve an algebra problem. It doesn't help. So I need to come to grips with my bad choices in life and I think I've done a lot in that arena. The real trick is not repeating those same mistakes!